I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
