sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
