I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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