I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Randomize
