Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
