I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
