I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
