apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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