if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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