Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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