Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
