Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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