do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
