I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
