I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
