Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We got so high we made milksteak
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
