I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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