Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Never let your siblings swipe right.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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