You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
BRING THE BAGELS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
