He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
