I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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