After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
