Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
