Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
