Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
