I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
