I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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