she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
