omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
