Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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