My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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