I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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