Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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