I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
