Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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