Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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