All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
