I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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