I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
