I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
