A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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