Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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