I wish life had little blips of pornography
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
