Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize