we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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