Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
