good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
