I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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