me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
