Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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