too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
