u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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