Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
