some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize