can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
