I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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