i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
