how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How does one acquire holy water?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
