Fine. I'll sleep in my office
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Randomize
