My room smells like vodka and shame
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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