first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
