Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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